A NEW HOPE

originally posted December 31, 2019

These are some thoughts I’m having at 3:30am. It’s early and I’m half asleep so I will most likely actually post this sometime later today. I tend to think a lot at night, and sometime I need to write them down in really time haha.

Yes, anyone who knows me knows I love Star Wars. But I honestly, feel going into this next decade, I have found a new hope. Hope for my marriage, hope in being a parent and hope with my relationship with God. This last decade has had much joy, but also sorrow. In this last decade: I graduated college, got my dream job, moved out, met the love of my life, went through a deployment, lost my grandfather , got married, had our second son, went through another deployment while having another baby, have moved 4 times, lost one of my Grandmothers and more.  

This journey of our lives has been hard. Some days are easy and some, I wish would pass a little faster. Relationships have struggled, I have struggled and our marriage has struggled. Marriage is hard work and being in the military brings it’s own set of challenges to it. You could be having an issue/argument (whatever you want to call it) and not get a resolution till your spouse is back from training. Or you can spend almost a year apart and then spend months relearning each other, only to be interrupted again with more train and time spend apart. The last five years of marriage has been a challenge and has come with many trials. Even though it has been hard we have learned many things that I am grateful for.  We have learned a little of what not to do, how to have more grace with each other and have learned how to forgive. I want to go into this next decade not getting so upset with the little things that ultimately don’t matter. I want to learn to slow down and take in where God has us. I want to be present, worry less and cherish our time together. We don’t know when the next deployment will be, but we know it eventually will come. 

I have a new hope in the next coming decade and am so happy to be closing the chapter on this one. There is so much I need to let go of and the mental thought of going into a new decade is helping me do that. I am going into this new chapter with hope that God will take care of me, he will take care of my children, and he will take care of my marriage. He will restore and heal what has been broken and mend what needs to be mended. I almost feel like in the last five year I have been quietly telling God, “I got this, I can do this on my own. I know you are there but I just can’t hear You right now through the fog, but I will figure it out.” But I can’t figure it out by myself anymore. I can’t wait for the perfect time to start because there will never be a perfect time. Each new day is a gift and comes with it’s own blessings. When I think of the next decade, only one verse keeps popping up in my mind. Psalm 119:105, Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I want to walk into this next decade with Him by my side, on the path with me, with each step we take into the future.